Ramblings of a Blonde Brunette

I have started to write and then erased, and then started to write again about this particular topic. Sometimes things happen that affect you profoundly and this is one of those things. I think that’s why I’m struggling to make sure it gets written in a way that reflects how this made me feel. About a month ago I was on a flight from Boston….sitting in seat 14A on a Southwest flight. This is almost always the seat I choose when I fly Southwest. No particular reason….it’s close to the front and easier to get off ahead of the crowd as I’m usually in a hurry, and I typically  have a decent view for my normal in flight routine…..earbuds in, music turned up, and time to myself to just think. If you follow the news, you heard about Southwest Flight 1380. That flight was a few days after mine, and seat 14A was the seat Jennifer Riordan was sitting in (and pulled out of the window from) when she was killed on that flight. Sometimes fate takes weird turns……you pick your own seats on Southwest flights. Why her? Why that seat? Why that day? I guess there’s no explaining the way that played out but it knocked the wind out of me and left me thinking about a whole lot of things I didn’t care to be thinking about. I feel like I live my life on a plane these days, and most of the time, as I said, in seat 14A. Occasionally if my son flies with me, we’ll fight over who gets that seat because it’s a window seat. I think I’m one of those people who believes when it’s your time, it’s your time, and it’s not going to matter what seat you choose. If it’s your time, it’ll be your seat, so to speak.
Throughout the past couple of years, and especially last year, I have cheated death on several occasions…..flights, shootings at concerts, acts of violence in random cities and places where I’ve been. Last minute decisions or gut feelings placed me in alternate locations. It’s not quite my time I guess. I’m always left feeling both lucky and guilty that I’ve managed to escape when others have not. I try not to dwell on that as those things can eat you alive if you let them, but it’s hard not to wonder why some are the unlucky ones and some get away unscathed. In any case, I have realized even more how short life truly is and I’ve tried to live each second of each day as if it’s all I have…..and one of these days, I’ll be right. Jennifer and her family have been on my mind daily since that accident. I can’t imagine not coming home to my kids. Do they know how much they mean to me? Do my friends know? Does my family know? I do my best always to remind them how much I love them and to never leave anyone with unkind words or to go to bed angry at anyone, and I try to instill that lesson in others as well. I look back a few years and can see so many mistakes I’ve made…..how I realize that I could’ve handled things differently, said things in a better way, not gotten angry or upset over trivial things or people that today don’t even matter. I guess I’ve grown in that way. I had to be removed from some of those situations to see what I was doing wrong and strangely, once I was on my own and thinking more clearly, things I hadn’t seen became blatantly obvious. A lesson inside of a lesson I suppose. My point in this is to just remind people that life is so short and unpredictable. We put things off that shouldn’t be put off…..neglect saying things out of fear….assume we’ll always have another chance. Not so. Whatever you should be or want to be doing, do it now. Whatever fences need mending, fix them now. If you owe an apology or need to forgive someone, don’t wait another day to do it. I promise you life will feel a lot different when you aren’t harboring negative stuff inside and when you realize that no one lives forever and that even five minutes from now is not a guarantee. If you’re thinking about it, make a point today to do what you know you need to. “Later” might just be too late. Savor your moments & your people, appreciate your time here, love who you want to love, and leave behind what & who needs to stay in the past. Dragging negative around is no way to live.