Ramblings of a Blonde Brunette

For as long as I’ve been a mom, I have stayed home to raise my kids and never gave it a second thought. For just as many years, I’ve tried to think of any downside that went along with that and I just never could. I never missed any of their firsts, I didn’t waste an additional paycheck in my house JUST to pay for daycare, and I have a relationship with them that I wouldn’t trade for anything. However, I’ve realized lately that there is indeed a downside. It’s only one, but it’s a big one. It’s them gaining their wings and leaving the nest. That has been absolutely brutal for me. I have had more mama meltdowns in the past 3 years than I ever had when they were infants and toddlers. For real. First it’s them driving, thus gaining a bit of independence…..then it’s graduating and leaving for college, (and the Marine Corp for one of mine)…..and then adult jobs with adult rules. Right now, that’s just created a huge cry baby of me. I live for our family vacations with all my boys and their girlfriends and this year, for the first time, not everyone will be there. My oldest son just graduated college and snagged a fantastic job. Of course I’m so proud of him, but now he has to also play by the big boy rules and there’s no time off for awhile. When he told me he couldn’t go (which also meant Kelli can’t go), it gutted me. Two of my kids are now gone, doing their own thing, and no longer within the safety of my home. I have one left, and he’ll be gone in two years, though hopefully I can talk him in to moving when I move after he graduates. Not likely he’ll jump on that idea, but a mom can hold onto some hope. So many of my friends ask me if it was worth it to stay home….did the kids drive me batshit crazy, was it worth giving up my free time for? Absolutely. I don’t want to pay someone else to raise my kids. That’s my job. Yes of course they drove me crazy and I had to give up a lot to do it, but it was my choice to have kids and important to me to be there for them as parents should be. If I could go back and do it again, I wouldn’t change a thing. Of course I’ll be ok after I drag myself through a few more meltdowns, knowing I gave them everything I had and taught them everything they need to know to make it out there on their own. I’ll always be their mom but I won’t always be HERE. Life can toss that in there when you least need reminded. Enjoy your babies…..I think it’s harder to be their mom when they’ve grown.